NEWS CENTER – An internationalist fighter of the YPJ International has sent a moving letter to her commander, comrade and role model Commander Şehîd Roj Xabur, who was killed on July 22 this year by a drone attack by the occupying Turkish state together with her comrades Jiyan Tolhildan and Barîn Botan Şehîd had fallen.
The internationalist got to know the commander of the YPJ well in the work of the YPJ, took her to her heart and took her as a role model. In a “last letter” to her commander, she describes her deep feelings for the commander, her strengths and her fight for freedom, declaring: “I will continue your fight. I’ll keep you in my heart and let it glow. Your death will not be a weakness, but an indomitable strength.”
A last letter to Şehîd Roj Xabur
“Friend, comrade and commander,
Hevala Roj,
the last time we saw each other I had tears in my eyes and thanked you for everything I learned from you, everything you gave me along the way. You laughed, said that you are happy to have met me and that we will meet again.
We sat together with about 40 friends on this last evening, talked and danced. I sang Bella Ciao. “This flower everyone says, oh bella ciao, bella ciao, bella ciao ciao ciao, is the flower of the partisan who died for our freedom!” You have now become one of those flowers, one of those who died for our freedom. But you left too soon. We still had so much to learn from you. One push of a button. A bomb. one life One World.
We saw each other for the first time in the summer of 2021. That was a year ago. We only exchanged a few words. But a few months later our paths crossed again and went together for a while. During this time you have become an extremely important person for me. I had difficulties at the beginning because I didn’t speak the language very well. You asked me why I speak so little, I told you because I’m ashamed of not being able to speak properly. That’s where I met her for the first time; your loving and at the same time demanding, always clear and direct attitude. You told me I was a revolutionary and quite intelligent at that. There is nothing to be ashamed of and I need to overcome that.
In everything you did, you made the girlfriends grow up around you. I have gained confidence through you; into me, into our struggle, into the movement and the women’s revolution. What should there be on our path that couldn’t be overcome with you by our side?
With my anarchist background, I sometimes encountered contradictions and struggled to grapple with the issue of leadership. Through you I have been able to build a new understanding of revolutionary leadership. You showed me what it means and how important and valuable it is for our fight. Because it was you, that person who led us into the fight, against ourselves, against the enemy, against the system in which we live. You were always there, looking after each of us. You were able to analyze people as well as problems and had countless approaches to
solving them. You knew exactly how to say what needed to be said.
How often I thought to myself that some problems in everyday life couldn’t be solved, had absolutely no idea how to proceed, mostly couldn’t even understand where to start. But you always supported us, understood us, showed us both our mistakes and a way to solve them. I never had to be ashamed of you, uncomfortable or afraid of doing something wrong. Because I knew you would neither teach me nor look badly, but take me by the hand where it was necessary or give me the right push to be able to go on.
Once we walked for days without a break, with little sleep. Waded knee-deep through water and mud. You walked at our head. Just like you always have been. You were an example for us and showed us the way without ever standing out from us, without ever being too bad for anything. You weren’t someone who had to enforce your own authority. We oriented ourselves to you because we could identify with you. When you came into the room you had this special, proud, strong but at the same time nice, warm and open-hearted aura. You were a person who gave trust. When you walked into the room you were surrounded by this breeze of revolution, struggle and freedom.
With your strong observation, analysis and evaluation you have helped me to understand myself better. We talked about my family and although the reality I come from must have been completely alien to you, you supported me significantly in the discussion about my origins, my childhood and youth and the circumstances in which I grew up. There are people to whom you are still a stranger years later and you recognized me in a few minutes.
Once I talked about what it was like for me growing up in a western state and how I evaluate the state. You asked me why I hate the state so much. And while this question may not sound particularly surprising at first, you asked it at exactly the right moment and thereby brought me miles forward in my own process. That was your style, you asked the right questions and gave the right impetus. You had an incredible feeling for space, time and your counterpart. Not only was I able to understand myself better, you also played a big part in the fact that I was able to get to know and understand this revolution and the movement better and better. And your love of movement has also grown and strengthened
because you showed me how all the processes of criticism and personality development, in short the change from people to militants, really work.
As much as we love life, we know how to use it and not simply waste it. It is not crucial to be a member of any particular organization, what matters is being organized, our attitude, our way of life, our values and our ideology. Because in the end we all fight together against the enemy. You told me that and you lived by it. Your life was full of love and meaning. In 30 years you have accomplished more than most people would accomplish in 100 years.
It is said that you never step into the same river twice, because both the river and you will have changed. You changed me and filled this revolution with your colors. Cruelly your way was ended. So meaningless, full of meanness and hatred. But our enemy has miscalculated again. Because your path is clearer than ever and your colors shine brighter than any shadow in the sky.
On your last night we danced for hours. You loved dancing, you probably knew every dance that was ever danced in Rojava. You tried to teach me some of them. Your favorite dance was the slow, devotional Afrinî and a fast and completely crazy Arabic, of course you mastered both.
Last night with us you slept under the trees instead of inside on a comfortable mattress. You preferred the stars, nature, the cool night to supposed comfort.
You gave me strength, direction on my path in revolution. You always pushed us, supported us. In this women’s struggle you were so strong, you were a revolutionary fighter. You told me the struggle requires that we be able to meet any challenge, because we are the crucial factor in this revolution and should not depend on external factors for its progress. And so you have also made us fighters who will now continue on your way. I will take your revenge I will carry on your fight. I’ll keep you in my heart and let it glow. Your death will not be a weakness but an indomitable strength.
For me you are immortal.
How did you say goodbye
when you last saw each other?
Did you laugh, spread your arms,
or was it just a quick handshake?
How hearty did you laugh?
When did you enjoy the sun’s rays and the rain on your face?
Too often lost in yesterday and tomorrow,
yet removed from the now.
Now there are tears in my eyes and pain in my chest.
The world stands still, life goes on.
How precious every moment seems when
you realize it may be your last.
As much as we love life,
we live it,
you told me.
The decisive factor in the fight is us,
and so I fight in your footsteps.”
